Giving advice on future career choices and doing no harm is a “million dollar” skill for parents. Some are doing just fine. But in our world, there are just as many mums and dads who are convinced that they are “doing their children good” by exhortation and pressure. Generations after generations of teenagers have entered the “wrong” universities and pursued the “wrong” profession and the “wrong” life they dreamed of. And some carry through the years insults against their parents for “choosing the wrong path”.
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Some parents get stuck in their bubble of understanding prospective professions and choose outdated tools for choosing them. And they also have no clue about market trends and new and relevant professions for today’s world.
Other mums and dads are sincerely convinced: “You should listen to my opinion, I have more experience, I know better!” But the feedback on following such a principle is the opposite of the expected effect: persistent action will give birth to powerful opposition. Such parents are used to hyper-people and cannot accept that their chick has already grown up. Of course, the child may succumb to the adults’ entreaties: he or she has become accustomed to being unsupervised over the years.
Another category of parents wants to realize their ambitions at the expense of their child: “I have always dreamt of becoming a ballerina – let my daughter go to a ballet school. Unfortunately, in such cases we are dealing with narcissistic parents who are trying to “realize” what they do not realize with their child’s hands/brain.
A blogger? A musician? An actor? That is not a profession at all!” Why is society still on the hook for stereotypes about the seriousness of professions?
We should not divide professions into “serious” and “non-serious”. On the contrary, children should be taught from childhood to show respect for any occupation – be it prime minister, cleaner, plumber, or doctor. Then the child will not be afraid to share their professional preferences and will be open and honest about what they like (and these preferences can be infinite!).
And stereotypes are still alive today because the sole purpose of mankind since ancient times has been survival. Of course, a doctor and a farmer in this context had a better chance than a singer. And in Soviet times there was a popular saying: “A good actor is a hungry actor”. People with a Soviet mentality perceived any display of creativity as amateurish, and these echoes will surely haunt us for some time to come.
It is valuable to realize that the parental mission is not to protect the child from disappointment but to explain all the risks and benefits of the choice and support it. Even if the child dreams of what the adult thinks is a “super wacky” profession. If the child dreams and aims for it is already a huge plus. It’s worse when a son or daughter grows up with no initiative and shrugs his or her shoulders: “Well, I’ll do as “mine” says”.
Vocational tests, career guidance from psychologists, advice from career advisors, and “inner voice” – what is more effective and objective for choosing a future profession?
Care should be taken with career guidance tests: a person is unique, unlike tests. It is possible to take several and check whether the recommendation tendencies are the same, but you should not make testing the starting point of your choice. Psychologists can identify aptitudes after talking to the child, but they can’t advise on the choice of career. It is better to consult a psychologist if your child has had panic attacks, severe insecurity, or phobias. It is in adolescence that minimum work-outs will do the most good.
An excellent solution is to contact a career counselor. They comprehensively study the labor market (and now the world has more than three thousand professions to offer!), understand its trends, and can voice a lot of interesting options. They can also give you advice on specific professions, and pay and warn you of possible mistakes.
There are times when a child does not mind a profession that his parents have suggested for consideration but says “no” just to spite himself. What will help in such cases?
It happens – it is an echo of puberty and the difficult relationship between adults and children. This is how adolescents draw adults’ attention to the fact that they have not paid much attention to them and now receive an identical attitude in return – “There you go! What do you think? In this case, it is better to turn to a third party – it should be the person whom the child trusts and whose authority is valued by older siblings, a favorite teacher, best friend, or psychologist.
What to do with the choice of profession according to the “dynasty principle“?
Professional dynasties may considerably narrow the horizons of a child who will be brought up in a non-alternative atmosphere of vocation choice. But the fact is that a vocation cannot be inculcated. So it is not so much about the potential mental breakdown as the possible alienation of the teenager from the family that applied the coercion and pressure. Later on, this can lead to the realization: “I wasted so many years of my life on the wrong thing…”. Then there is the stage of frustration. Then there is the realization of the need to “retrain” anew or to force yourself to endure a profession that is not sweet to your heart. Either way, there is little mental comfort or joy in this.
If the conflict regarding the choice of profession is in the heat of the moment and parents use manipulations, what arguments will hit the target and make parents listen?
The main thing in such cases – learn to listen to each other. Let everyone take turns to present arguments and answer questions from the opponent – if we discuss, then by the rules! The teenager should learn the nuances of the job he sees himself in and tell the adult point by point why this is the best option for him now. “I’m going to make software for IT companies, I’m good with computers now”, “I’m fast at editing videos for social media and there are loads of likes! I want to go into film directing. If parents insist on their option, you should argue why this specialty is not suitable and what knowledge and skills you already lack to enthusiastically embark on further studies at university.
It is also always a good idea to enter the university to win the competition for the coveted degree and tell your parents about it. Parents need to understand: that if a teenager makes his own decision, he takes responsibility and will not blame his family in case of failure. Being good parents is a really difficult case but it is supposed that the best parents know the best writing services for affordable prices. So you are already one step closer to becoming cool parents.
To sum up – what principles should parents adhere to so as not to pressure their child, but also not to give up on his or her future?
- Start talking about career choices a few years before you go to college. The conversations should be pleasant and unobtrusive.
- Respond calmly, even if your child’s choice surprises or embarrasses you. Give your teenager time, things can change, and more than once! This may be a way for your teenager to test your reaction.
- If your child is confident about the choice, have a meeting with a member of the profession. Visit together the environment in which the professional lives. Write down the pros and cons of the profession on a sheet of paper. Look on job websites to find out what the average salary for that profession is in your town.
- Don’t insist. Don’t throw a tantrum. And most importantly – don’t devalue your child’s desires and aspirations. After all, most of all she wants support from you.
- Let your son or daughter know that you can always help.
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